THE KINDNESS I FORGOT

THE KINDNESS I FORGOT –  A Dream’s Awakening

Seven years ago, I lost my husband to a fatal illness. He had an autoimmune condition that severely affected his lungs, leaving him bedridden for nearly six years. During that time, I became his full-time caretaker. Grief consumed me, yet I poured every ounce of love and effort into helping him heal. I went to great lengths, overextending myself physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Through diligent research, I found supplements and supportive therapies that helped keep him comfortable. Though doctors had given him only a year to live, his body endured for six. Even they were astonished.

After his passing, my own health collapsed. It took me five years of conscious healing to nurture my body, mind, and spirit to return to wellness. I had believed, deep down, that I could somehow restore his health. But now I see that belief was misguided.

Last night, a dream brought me a revelation.In the dream, I was frantically busy, taking my husband to countless places in his wheelchair, trying to do everything. Eventually, I could do no more. In that moment, I realized I had lost him. The dream disturbed me deeply. I woke up, sat in silence, and began to process its meaning.

As I looked deeper, I saw the powerful truth:  ‘control is an illusion.’
This realization brought me to tears. I cried because I saw how unkind I had been to my own body-being. In my devotion to another’s healing, I had forgotten self-love and self-care. I had abandoned the gentle tending of my own soul.

My ego believed I could fix him, that my efforts could reverse his fate. But in clinging to that story, I lost myself. I sacrificed my own health in the name of saving his. in trying to preserve his life, I neglected my own.

True healing cannot be imposed. It requires personal responsibility. Each soul must tend to their own emotional, mental, and physical well-being. The urge to control another’s recovery often stems from fear, frustration, and the false belief that we can solve someone else’s suffering.
But nothing is truly within our control.

When we meditate or sit in stillness, we notice something profound: we are not making ourselves breathe instead we are being breathed. Life lives us every moment, this is Grace.
We do not know how to be born, nor how to die. So why do we cling to the illusion of control, trying to do instead of simply being?

Trying to live someone else’s life, trying to force outcomes, this is pure torment. And in that struggle, we suffer.

You deserve good health. You deserve to keep your body and mind in a place of peace. You deserve time for yourself. 
Yes, when someone you love is unwell, it can be difficult to prioritize your own care. But please remember: overextending yourself is not an act of love, it is a form of self-neglect.
Sacrificing your body and mind in the name of service is not a sustainable or healthy path. 
Your well-being matters. Your presence is most healing when it comes from a place of wholeness. When you are in your wholeness you can do so much more for others.

In such moments, the most loving thing you can do is to support yourself too, with compassion, clarity, and care, without trying to control what is beyond you.
True love includes yourself.

Step into non-judgment. Seek to understand the condition of the person who needs help, whether it’s mental health, addiction, or trauma. Set healthy boundaries. Remember: you are not responsible for their thoughts, emotions, or actions.
Give yourself space to process your own feelings, to tend to your body’s needs.
Their healing is not in your hands. It is not your burden to carry.
Let Grace breathe through you, and trust that each soul walks their own sacred path.
Blessings!
Premlatha Rajkumar

https://www.facebook.com/premlatha.rajkumar/

https://awakenlovenjoy.com/
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